My version of #1 is really summarized, in face gary chapman included a case study and some notes for all of us to take note off, but it's not polite for me to palagarize everything in my blog.
So for those of you who's really keen, do read this book ok?
Now let's get to #2: Quality time.
How many times you hear this? "it's quality over quantity!!" if u think u've spent enuff time with ur partner and why is she still not satisfied, then think again? how did you spend the time together?
were you talking to her while reading the papers? were you talking to her while watching tv? is that considered time spent with her without paying 100% attention on her?
By quality time, its means giving someoned your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
it doesn't mean sitting on the sofa watching tv and talking, but with the tv off, both looking at each other, giving the 100% full attention, talking!
it means going for a walk, just the 2 of you, going for dinner and looking at each other when you eat with the conversation going on.
When u sit on de sofa talking to ur partner , giving her 20 minutes of ur full attention and she does likewise, you're giving each other 20 mins of your life, and u'll never have this 20 minutes again! it is a powerful communicator of love.
There's this case study of a husband who is too busy with work than to spend time with his wife, then Gary Chapman asked him a question that probably got him thinking when he's telling Gary how he climbed the organizational ladder to feed the family:
"Do you want to be up there alone? or do you want to be there with your wife and children?"
how many times have we used work as an excuse to spending time with our loved ones? now think again, even if u are a high flyer, what's the point when u have no loved ones around you?
" A Central Aspect of Quality time is Togetherness
I do not mean proximity
Togetherness has to do with focused attention"
and of cos gary suggested him to take time off to bring his wife and children out etc. their love life made a tremendous improvment! his wife is no longer always nagging at him and being unhappy and seeing his work as a threat.
There's anor story whereby a man approached gary and told him what a fool he realised he was.
His wife will always come home from work, telling him her problems at work, and he will always advise her on what he think she should do"
now u guyz are thinking nothing wrong with that right?
everynite de same thing happened, naturally de man is upset with his wife for not listening to his advice. He told her not to expect anymore sympathy from him since she refused to heed his advice and she would not have to live with these problems if she heed his advices.
the next time she try to bring up the problem, he told her that he is not going to listen to her since she's not following his advice.
After the divorce, then he realised that his wife did not want advice from him when she tell him his problems
she wanted sympathy, wanted him to listen to her, to give her attention, to let her know he understand the hurt and pressure she's going through, she need that moral support and re assureness from her husband.
Is this situation familar? it's very familar and close to my heart, de whole of chapter 2 actually.
i love to whine and i'm always very critical, but when i'm whining, sometimes i just need some sympathy and reassurance.
then again, who is there to understand the need? who is there to provide the undivided attention for me?
"many of us are trained to analyze problems and create solutions
we forgot that marriage is a relationship, not a project or problem to be solved"
The last of this chapter talks about quality activities, there will be different activities that a couple enjoys.
but it doesnt hurt to give in to each other and do what each other like to do together.
well i played WOW for de very obvious reasons, he's crazy over them and spent so much time with the game.
before i started to play, i can see that he is really hoping that one of these days i can play together with them.
and so i did in the end..so as to do something i know he'd enjoy.
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